Non-Fiction Writing Sample #3

Even as they actively participate in sexual activity, too many women in the 21st century are divorced from their sexuality and sensuality. They may be humping their brains out and even having orgasms but what they are engaged in is about as deep and meaningful as riding an exercise bike. As a result, they come away from sex acts with a sense of “what’s the big deal?” Or, worse, they feel degraded and diminished; either objectified or objectifying. For many of these women, a good workout at the gym would be more fulfilling – and might even provide a more satisfying release.

My dear, let me be very clear – that is not the way it is supposed to be.
Sex without sexuality is often demeaning. It reduces the sex act to little more than a heaving, grunting, often-sloppy and sweaty physical endeavor. (It is not called the “beast with two backs” for nothing!)

The trouble is, there is too much “beast” and not enough passion. Too much sex, not enough sexuality. If all you’re focused on is the “beast”, you cannot possibly be truly engaged. And so you – yes, you – as the person engaged in said act, are likewise unengaged. Too much beast and not enough passion; too much sex and not enough sexuality removes the yummies from the experience.

It doesn’t have to be this way! With your genuine sexuality engaged, there is nothing you cannot do alone or with a partner (or two) that is not uplifting, satisfying and true to who you are. With your sexuality engaged, that heaving, humping beast with two backs is an explosion of passion.

In short, it is very, very yummy. And when sex is yummy, you and your partner are truly bonded together – rather than being the sexual equivalent of opposing and competing wrestlers, with you invariably being the one pinned down for the count.

Unfortunately, history has rarely embraced this uplifting view of female sexuality. It has long viewed male and female sexuality in opposition and competition to one another. In ancient China, men who engaged in masturbation risked a complete loss of their vital yang essence. As such, it was strictly forbidden.

Women did not risk the same loss of their vital essence. The rules about female masturbation were much more specific and focused on a particular concern; women were free to masturbate as much as they liked, as they possessed an unlimited yin, however, they were warned against masturbating with foreign objects which could injure the womb and internal sexual organs.

Because women were understood to have an inexhaustible yin essence (they could keep having orgasms long after their male partners had been reduced to shrunken, limp lumps of flesh snoring alongside them,) female sexuality was expressed in multiple ways. In addition to masturbation, lesbian relations were encouraged amongst women even as male homosexuality was forbidden because such behavior was thought to result in a complete loss of the yang essence. (Sexual relationships between men could only involve the loss of the yang without the possibility of regaining it, which was possible with heterosexual relationships.)

Although a bit at odds with our modern sensibility, at least sexuality in ancient China was deeply rooted to a sense of essential essences. Sex was never just a physical act. Sexuality had everything to do with something basic in the nature of what it meant to be a man or a woman. Therefore, any sexual act was understood in the context of fundamental essences – yin and yang.

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